Many years ago my friend Eyrin said something to me over our usual coffee and cheesecake at the coffeehouse night. She said she thought that you were either born to make a difference in the world or that you were born to give birth to someone who would change the world.
I thought this was an interesting observation at the time but never really considered it much till recently. Being past the age of 30 I am in the stage of life where everyone around me is starting to have kids, if they haven't already.
I've never thought about having kids that seriously. I remember when I was a kid that I was afraid of the whole prospect. I remember telling my Mom when I was 8 or 9 that I didn't want to have babies because I thought it would hurt too much. I remember her telling me that the pain doesn't last long and that after it's over you have this beautiful little person who makes it all worth it. At 8 she didn't have me convinced.
As I got older my concern over the pain lessened but I still didn't have that urge to be a mother like so many other people I know did. Even now I wonder if the only reason I give the idea any weight at all is because I feel it's expected. The only other reason that occurs to me is that when you're old and decrepit you kind of want someone who will look out for your best interests. Not to say that if you have kids this is a given, but if you don't you have less of a chance then someone who does have kids.
This reminds me of something I read in a book or saw in a movie once in which a character said she didn't want to have kids because she thought it was a rather selfish endeavor. She said that you are the one choosing to create another human being and it is not that human being that is choosing to be born. She believed that people have kids to fulfill themselves and create a legacy. I suppose that is partially true.
Once a child is born though so begins at least 20 years of being selfless. The first few years you sacrifice sleep, time and freedom. Really, if you're doing the job the way you should you are sacrificing most of your life to make sure that your child has everything they need to grow up healthy and strong.
The only thing I ever knew was that I would not have a child unless I was ready to give up my life to them. I figured this was a good measure of whether or not I was ready. If there are things I feel like I need to do then the idea was that I got those out of the way before a child came into my life because once they are there they become the focus. It's not good to have a kid and then resent it because of what it has prevented you from doing.
Really I'm not sure I would be a good mother anyway. I'm too worried I would create yet another screwed up child for the world. God knows there are enough of those already that I don't need to add to it.
So going back to that statement Eyrin made. At the time I thought of course I'd rather be someone who would make a difference rather than just be the woman who creates someone who does something significant. Probably because at that time I had a negative view of being a mother or a housewife.
I wasn't raised to hide in a kitchen or be some man's maid. My mother raised me to get a good education and a career that would allow me to support myself. She wanted me to be able to exist with or without a husband. In some ways I suppose I thought she resented her role in the world due to the time in which she entered the workforce. I suppose I thought that she didn't see being a mother as important a role as being a career woman. This is what I thought.
But there is one example in my own religion of a woman who is known for giving birth to someone significant. Thinking of Mary I'm not sure how I could simply write off the importance of being a mother. The bible lets us know that Jesus existed because Mary said yes. That was a very significant role to play and therefore I cannot look down upon the job of being a mother.
Now for those that aren't religious I suppose this wouldn't be a valid argument. To them all I can say is that without mothers the human race would not continue to exist. That makes it a pretty important job.
As for where I stand now, I'm honestly not sure. I'm a little old now and I'm still unmarried. Of course there are those that would say that in this day and age women don't need a husband to be a mother. That is of course true, but I am not the type of woman who is prepared to choose to be a single mother. If I don't get married I don't think I'll have kids. In truth part of me has always wondered whether or not I was really meant to be a mother anyway.
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